Hey babe,
Its been three months since you left and I cant even begin to tell you how bad I'm hurting or how badly I've been 'coping'. Kenna is getting so clever now she is singing even more than before you know the little made up songs she used to always sing...very funny. I feel so very sad every time I look at her or see her do something I know you'd adore simply because you adored her. She misses you so very much. She has been watching Enchanted about three times everyday and the other day she came out and said to me "Mum you have to go to heaven to get Daddy to give him his true love kiss." Which of course immediately brought me to tears and all the while she was saying "Mummy don't cry Daddy will be home soon." How do I tell her Mark how will I ever be able to look at that sweet face and say Daddy cant come home Daddy cant kiss you goodnight or cuddle you or take you to feed the ducks or 'fly' you after the birds. How do I go on and be strong for the kids?? Keaney is trying to be ok, trying to be happy but he comes out with the most profound things at times, you know how he could be, when we would just stare at each other like where did that come from and then just as quickly he goes back to being Keaney. he misses you, he wishes ghosts were true so he could see you. Emmy is trying so hard to be the strong one she has helped me so much over the last three months all those days when I couldnt face the world or get out of bed and instead cried all day in the emptiness of our bed. But I worry she has had to grow up too fast with all the things she has been through, she is 10 and had so much pain and loss in her life how do I make it better for them how I do I go on without you?? I miss your support, your touch, I just miss YOU!!! I dont know if I will ever be able to move past all this to move past you/us and all we had I want the ending I was supposed to have. I want my six years all over again I want to make it right. Why dont I get a second chance, why is life so very unfair? I miss you my love my darling boy I miss you more than you could ever have known I would. Hold tight to my heart that you took that day, I'm coming to collect and I will never ever let you go again.
Always and forever
K
~xx~
